we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
