So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
