There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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