wanna go halves on a baby?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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