i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
