Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
