God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
