you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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