Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
