Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
