Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
