I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
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you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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