I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
