I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think your dad took our porno
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
