My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
