So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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