Me. At least after what I've been through.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
