I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
