You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
