"it" just moved
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
