I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
