he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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