i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
