I faked an abortion last night.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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