I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm bleeding and have questions
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
