Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
jump out the window naked night went bad
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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