Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
