We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Congratulations! We have a period
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