Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
