Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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