Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
