your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
