Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
time to smoke my breakfast
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I did not marry a roomba.
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