Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
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So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
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Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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