Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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