I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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