you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
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Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
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I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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