I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
