I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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