The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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