I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
