I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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