I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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