Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Text me some of your sweat
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