I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
