dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
