just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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