Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
