Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
