her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
