The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
