Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
