Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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