We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
