He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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