We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
