soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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