I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
