I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
