Is it normal to miss your booty call?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
