you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
