I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
