I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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