so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
