I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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