It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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