Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
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i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
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You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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