Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
there is glitter all over my balls
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
