I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
