All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
