she woke up with a sticky ear
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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